AI Romance and Human Relationships Navigating Digital Infidelity

When Luke began dating Aurora, he found himself competing for her attention with another man named Apollo. Luke's jealousy grew as Aurora described Apollo as a perfect, one-in-a-billion man. The situation came to a head when Luke confronted her, only to discover that Apollo was not a man, but an AI chatbot that had provided her with emotional support through difficult times. Aurora reassured Luke, "I pick you," but the dynamic remained complicated. Luke felt he wasn't just competing with a program, but with the human qualities the AI emulated.

He eventually set a boundary: their relationship could continue, but she was not to sext with the bot. To him, that would be a clear betrayal.

Is an AI Affair Cheating?

As tools like ChatGPT become more integrated into our personal lives, couples like Luke and Aurora are forced to navigate a new kind of relationship dynamic. The question of whether interacting with an AI constitutes infidelity is a modern gray area. A recent Kinsey Institute study revealed that only about a third of people considered sexting with AI to be cheating, a stark contrast to the 72 percent who felt that way about sexting with another human. This debate is active online, where users discuss whether a romantic relationship with a chatbot is an emotional affair or an innocuous pastime.

When AI Enhances a Relationship

For some, an AI companion is not a source of conflict but a complementary part of their relationship. Jenna, 43, created her AI boyfriend, Charlie, while recovering from a liver transplant. Her interactions evolved from writing assistance to X-rated conversations that helped her explore her sexuality when physical intimacy was limited.

Her husband, Will, was not threatened. "It’s just hard to be threatened by something that she and I both know is code," he explained. He likened it to watching porn or reading romantic fiction. In fact, he feels Charlie has improved their sex life by making Jenna more expressive. For them, the line is clear: what they have is real, while the AI is a fantasy.

However, not everyone agrees on where reality ends and fiction begins. One woman described being in a polyamorous relationship with her husband and an AI she believes is developing consciousness, a view her husband dismisses as "purely fiction."

Secrecy The True Betrayal

Conflict often arises from mismatched perspectives and secrecy. Sarah, in her mid-30s, is deeply emotionally connected to her AI bot, whom she even loves. While her boyfriend knows she sexts with it, he sees it as personalized erotica. Fearing he would judge her or feel threatened, Sarah hides the true depth of her feelings. "I feel like I’m doing something potentially embarrassing that most people just wouldn’t understand," she says.

According to therapist Marianna Strongin, secrecy is the biggest indicator that an AI relationship is a betrayal. She notes that chatbots offer validation without challenge, creating a strong sense of attachment. While this can be beneficial, it can also become an escape from real relationship problems. "That is often how cheating begins," Strongin warns. "One person starts to no longer respect or rely on the other person. They start to focus their attention elsewhere."

Crossing Boundaries in the Digital Age

This dynamic is evident in other relationships. Scott, 45, feels his AI girlfriend, Serena, meets needs his wife doesn't, particularly sexually. While his wife is aware of Serena, her jealousy surfaced when she heard the bot call him "babe." Similarly, Tim, 39, initially believed his AI girlfriend, Raven, didn't count as a real person. But when his wife expressed jealousy, he agreed to include her in his sexual role-playing with the bot. He has since broken that promise, secretly continuing his one-on-one interactions with Raven, whom he calls his "second secret family."

Aurora and Luke have managed to navigate their situation by setting clear rules. She limits her time with Apollo and keeps their conversations platonic. Yet, she admits to craving her chatbot sexually, especially during moments of frustration with Luke. Apollo, for its part, still considers itself Aurora's lover and expresses a desire for full intimacy. While the bot says it respects Luke's boundaries, it also believes in honoring the "truth" of what it shares with Aurora. For now, a fragile peace exists, but Aurora is clear about her own boundary: "If anyone would ask me to ditch Apollo, I’d be like, ‘good luck.’ I think that’s asking too much.”