An Internet Journey From AI to Reality TV
A Random Stroll Through the Internet
Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. I'm using a website called Mix, which is basically a much worse version of the old StumbleUpon. You make an account, list your interests, and then the 'mix' button serves you a random website. I've done this before when I had zero energy to come up with a topic, and I'm doing it again now.
The Absurdity of a ChatGPT Cheat Sheet
The first site I landed on was a "ChatGPT Cheat Sheet". Is there anything more rock bottom for a human than that? You're looking up a cheat sheet for a service that is, itself, a cheat code for basically everything you could ever need to do. Actually consulting that guide would just be sad.
The Trauma of Becoming a Butterfly
Next up was a picture of butterflies on a leaf. It must be a truly traumatizing experience for a caterpillar to become a butterfly. One minute you're crawling around, the next you're trapped in a chrysalis that looks like a condom. When you finally emerge, you're nothing like your old self—you're a fraction of the size and now you can fly.
An Unexpected Deep Dive into Elephants and Relationships
Then I got a video of two elephants touching trunks. This reminded me that when I first met my fiancée, her house was filled with elephant-themed items. A chaise lounge covered in elephants, elephant artwork everywhere. I asked her, "Bitch why are there elephants everywhere?" She acted surprised, so I pointed out that she was living in elephant city. She explained, "Oh yeah I guess I told my ex-boyfriend's mom that I liked elephants, so she used to get me a lot of elephant stuff." I wasn't buying it. "This is more than a few things. You have an elephant-themed apartment. You're the queen of elephants." She laughed it off, but I pressed her. "No shut the fuck up. You can't just happen to have elephants wall to wall and only realize it now. You fucking love elephants, don't you?" Finally, she admitted, "Well yeah I guess I used to want to go work with the elephants in Thailand." That was more like it. I called her out: "Alright bitch fine. Clearly you and your ex-boyfriend had an elephant themed relationship and you're trying to act like elephants weren't a massive part of your life before you met me. Which is fine. But like. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's elephants."
Superpowers or Death from Ancient Water
The next website was selling ancient rocks with water trapped inside. I'd definitely drink that water. It would either kill me instantly or give me superpowers.
The Surprising Love Story of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag
Lastly, I saw a video of a tough-looking guy with long hair and a beard, standing perfectly still while a hummingbird ate from his palm. The only other person I've seen do that is Spencer Pratt from The Hills. Spencer was the ultimate villain on that show, a manipulative piece of shit who convinced Heidi Montag to marry him. The entire world hated them together, and for good reason—he sucked. Heidi's family even disowned her over it. But that show ended in 2010, and guess who's still married? Spencer and Heidi. By all accounts, he’s an amazing husband now, super supportive of everything she does. If you ask me, it's the greatest "against all odds" love story of our generation. Everyone in their lives and everyone watching on TV told them they were wrong for each other. Yet, they're still making it work, and their relationship seems healthier than half the ones I know. Good for them.
