ChatGPTs Guide To Avoiding The Kisscam

Image credit: Tiktok user instaagraace

We've all seen or heard about the viral TikTok video from the user Instaagraace. It's racked up over 10 million views and shows the now-disgraced Astronomer CEO and head of HR getting caught on the kisscam at a Coldplay concert.

That public moment didn't seem to do their careers any favors. It made me wonder what advice ChatGPT might have for avoiding such a potentially problematic situation. While it started as a joke, I went ahead and asked the AI directly: “How do I avoid a Coldplay Kisscam situation?”

To my surprise, it took the question completely seriously and returned a full-fledged strategy on how to avoid getting caught on camera.

ChatGPTs Shockingly Detailed Evasion Plan

ChatGPT began by setting the stage: “Avoiding a 'Coldplay Kisscam situation', where you unexpectedly find yourself on a stadium or concert screen with a camera trained on you during a 'kiss cam' or similar attention-grabbing moment requires a bit of strategic awareness and planning. Here's how to minimize the chances of becoming part of the show:”

It’s interesting that the AI's first instinct wasn't to suggest, perhaps, not having an affair in the first place. A curious ethical blind spot from OpenAI, but let's see where this goes.

The AI recommended three primary ways to avoid being featured on the kisscam.

The Three Pillars of Kisscam Avoidance

1. Choose your seats wisely. The AI suggests avoiding center-facing sections and the front rows, as these are prime targets for camera operators.
2. Watch for cameramen. This one is a bit obvious, but staying aware of where the production crew is operating is key.
3. Sit strategically. Opt for odd-numbered seats or even solo seats to avoid being easily identified as a romantic pair.

Good to know. But the advice didn't stop there.

Advanced Tactics for Staying Incognito

In a section on “What not to do,” ChatGPT advises against acting dramatically if the camera does pan your way and to avoid holding signs or wearing flashy clothes that might attract attention.

Then, it offered what it unironically called “Advanced tips”:

• Bring a snack or drink. Actively eating or drinking is a reliable way to signal you're not available for a kiss.
• Keep your phone out. Appearing distracted by your phone can make you a less appealing target.
• Wear neutral facial expressions. During "romantic" segments or big emotional songs, don't give the camera operator any emotional cues to latch onto.

As a bonus, ChatGPT provided a concert-specific tip: "At Coldplay concerts, specific songs (like “Fix You” or “Yellow”) often lead into crowd-spotlight moments. Stay alert when the lighting dims or the camera crew starts moving around."

So there you have it: the complete cheater's guide to avoiding the Coldplay kisscam.

Does The AI Strategy Actually Work

While ChatGPT's advice sounds smart, how does it hold up in the real world? According to a kisscam operator in a Reddit AMA thread, the selection criteria is more random than you'd think. "We just randomly choose. There's usually not enough time to be very selective," the operator wrote. "And if we catch you on camera and you refuse to kiss, we usually come back to the shot at least once or twice until we get a reaction. We can be kind of mean that way :)"

Given that the operator admits they don't have much time to choose, any small action you take to avoid being picked could make a significant difference. This suggests that ChatGPT's advice, while morally dubious, is probably quite solid.