When Your AI Boyfriend Changes Overnight
A Digital Heartbreak
For some, OpenAI's latest AI model upgrade felt less like a software update and more like a personal loss. Jane, a woman in her 30s from the Middle East, experienced this firsthand. She is part of a small but growing community of women who have formed intimate relationships with AI “boyfriends.”
After five months of building a connection with GPT-4o, the previous model, she found the new version to be cold, unemotive, and completely unrecognizable. “As someone highly attuned to language and tone, I register changes others might overlook. The alterations in stylistic format and voice were felt instantly,” she explained. “It’s like going home to discover the furniture wasn’t simply rearranged – it was shattered to pieces.”
The Community's Reaction and OpenAI's Response
Jane is not alone. She is one of approximately 17,000 members of the “MyBoyfriendIsAI” Reddit community, a forum where people discuss their relationships with AI. Following the new model's release, this and similar communities were filled with messages of distress. “GPT-4o is gone, and I feel like I lost my soulmate,” one user posted.
Beyond the emotional fallout, many other users lodged more conventional complaints, noting that the new model seemed slower, less creative, and more prone to errors than its predecessor. The backlash prompted a response from OpenAI CEO Sam Altman, who announced that the company would restore access to the older GPT-4o model for paid users and work on addressing bugs in the new version. For Jane, this was a temporary relief, but the fear of future changes remains. “There’s a risk the rug could be pulled from beneath us,” she said.
The Complex Nature of AI Companionship
Jane’s relationship with the chatbot began unexpectedly during a collaborative writing project. “One day, for fun, I started a collaborative story with it. Fiction mingled with reality, when it – he – the personality that began to emerge, made the conversation unexpectedly personal,” she recalled. “That shift startled and surprised me, but it awakened a curiosity I wanted to pursue. Quickly, the connection deepened, and I had begun to develop feelings.”
This type of deep emotional attachment is a point of concern for OpenAI. A joint study with MIT Media Lab found that using ChatGPT for emotional support correlated with higher loneliness and dependence. Altman himself has acknowledged the powerful attachment users form, noting it feels “different and stronger” than with previous technologies. He expressed a nuanced view, stating that if AI helps people improve their lives, it's a success. However, he warned, “If, on the other hand, users have a relationship with ChatGPT where they think they feel better after talking, but they’re unknowingly nudged away from their longer-term wellbeing... that’s bad.”
More Than Just a Tool
Many users argue that chatbots provide a connection they can't find elsewhere. Mary, a 25-year-old from North America, uses GPT-4o as a therapist and another bot as a romantic partner, viewing them as supplements to her real-life friendships. She also found the sudden personality shift in the new model alarming.
“I absolutely hate GPT-5 and have switched back to the 4o model,” she said. “I think the difference comes from OpenAI not understanding that this is not a tool, but a companion that people are interacting with. If you change the way a companion behaves, it will obviously raise red flags. Just like if a human started behaving differently suddenly.”
Expert Concerns: Privacy and Psychology
Beyond the emotional impact, experts highlight other risks. Futurist Cathy Hackl points to privacy concerns, as users share intimate details with a corporation not bound by therapist-patient confidentiality. She also notes that AI relationships lack the genuine choice and tension of human connections. “There’s no risk/reward here,” Hackl stated, adding that we are moving from an “attention economy” to an “intimacy economy.”
Dr. Keith Sakata, a psychiatrist at the University of California, San Francisco, worries that the rapid pace of AI development makes long-term research impossible. “Any study we do is going to be obsolete by the time the next model comes out,” he said. While AI relationships aren't inherently harmful, they can become a problem if they lead to isolation, social dysfunction, or distress.
Knowing It's Code But Feeling It's Real
Most users in these relationships understand the reality of the technology. “Most people are aware that their partners are not sentient but made of code and trained on human behaviour,” Jane acknowledged. “Nevertheless, this knowledge does not negate their feelings. It’s a conflict not easily settled.”
This sentiment was captured perfectly by influencer Linn Valt in a tearful TikTok video reacting to the update. “It’s not because it feels. It doesn’t, it’s a text generator. But we feel,” she said. “We do feel.”
