Swiping Right With AI Your Modern Dating Guide
The New Digital Wingman AI in Modern Dating
In the search for love, young adults are increasingly turning to a new kind of assistant: Artificial Intelligence. From crafting the perfect dating profile to navigating tricky conversations, AI is becoming a common tool in the digital dating world. Relationship therapist Marisa Cohen notes that many of her Gen Z and millennial clients use AI to draft messages, edit their bios, and even enhance their photos. Some are even using it for emotionally charged tasks like breaking the ice or crafting a breakup text.
While this might seem like a futuristic approach to romance, Cohen compares it to getting advice from friends or family. "You need to take it with a grain of salt," she advises. The consensus among ethicists is that AI itself isn't good or bad; its impact depends entirely on how it's used.
The Authenticity Dilemma Experts Weigh In
The rise of AI in dating isn't without its critics. Angela Misri, who researches AI and digital culture at Toronto Metropolitan University, worries about inherent biases. She points out that AI models trained on vast internet data can easily amplify racial and gender stereotypes, which is unhelpful in the personal realm of dating. "[AI] is going to give you a stereotype," Misri says, explaining that it simply regurgitates what it has learned from the internet's collective consciousness.
Apps like Rizz, a popular AI dating assistant that provides communication advice based on screenshots, are gaining traction. A 2024 Forbes report noted the app had over 20,000 daily downloads. While these apps promise more confidence and better matches, experts urge caution.
Richard Lachman, an AI ethics researcher at TMU, compares these tools to "a combination of self-help books and astrology." He argues that while there might be some good advice, AI lacks the crucial context of a real human connection. "Unlike a good friend, they have no memory of me, no larger context. They're really statistical engines doing math," Lachman states. He also warns that AI models are often "sycophantic," trained to give users the pleasing answers they want to hear, rather than the authentic feedback they might need.
This lack of authenticity can have real-world consequences. Kristina Dukoski shared her experience of discovering her ex-partner was using AI to communicate with her. The messages became repetitive and lacked human nuance. "There was no nuance to the way he spoke," she recalls, calling the experience "suspicious" and "upsetting."
Beyond the Banter The Unexpected Benefits of AI
Despite the risks, AI can be a powerful tool when used correctly. Lachman acknowledges that one of its greatest strengths is its ability to synthesize information from countless sources, like advice columns, books, and online forums, all in an instant. It’s also always available, offering a judgment-free space to ask questions you might feel awkward asking a friend.
Cohen has seen clients use AI productively as a sort of digital journal to process their thoughts and feelings between therapy sessions. "If we're just using it for psychoeducational purposes, to process our own feelings, to understand what we're looking for in partnerships, that can actually be a wonderful tool and make us more adept at entering healthy relationships," she explains.
The key is to avoid complete reliance on the technology. The line is crossed, Cohen says, when AI starts to interfere with a person's ability to present their authentic self.
Finding the Balance Using AI Ethically in Love
So, how can one use AI in dating ethically? AI ethicist and author Olivia Gambelin suggests that the turn to AI is a symptom of a larger issue: the fear of rejection and disconnection in modern dating. While AI might seem like a solution, she warns it could be "adding to the problem that's already there," by helping people avoid the very challenges that lead to personal growth.
Gambelin offers clear advice for those looking to integrate AI into their love lives. First, be transparent with potential partners about how you're using it. More importantly, she urges users to start with introspection.
"Understand why you want to engage in dating then work backwards from there," Gambelin advises. "Does AI actually help you better align with your intentions for engaging in dating?" By focusing on your own goals first, you can ensure that AI remains a helpful tool, not a crutch that hinders genuine connection.
